The random musings of a vagabond

A Love that never runs out (a bottomless sea)

2012-01-24T18:29:00.000-08:00

In the beginning you were singing

In the end you'll still be singing over me
In this moment you're right beside me
You're everywhere, you're in the air that I breathe

You are an endless ocean, a bottomless sea

In my sin you kept loving
There's no end to your forgiveness and mercy
Every morning you keep coming
The waves of your affection keep washing over me

All those angels, they are swimming
In this ocean and they still can find no shore
Day and night, night and day
They keep seeing new sides of your face

There's no end to the affection you have for me

"Follow Me."

2012-01-24T16:04:00.001-08:00

Old Testament instance-

So Elijah went from there and found Elisha son of Shaphat. He was plowing with twelve yoke of oxen... Elijah went up to him and threw his cloak around him. Elisha then left his oxen and ran after Elijah. “Let me kiss my father and mother goodbye,” he said, “and then I will come with you.”

“Go back,” Elijah replied. “What have I done to you?”

So Elisha left him and went back.

New Testament instance -

Jesus said to another man, “Follow me.”

[...] Still another said, “I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say goodbye to my family.”

Jesus replied, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”

***

See the similarity and the difference? :) Both were called and both were willing to follow, willing to leave their jobs and families.

The difference:

But the difference is that Jesus calls for even higher and more radical measures than Elijah, who was under the old covenant. Jesus called for an immediate and 100% devoted response. For example, when He called the disciples, they immediately left their nets (their livelihood) and followed Him. Jesus won't accept anything less than 100% devotion because they're "not fit for service in the Kingdom of God". Sobering, huh?

The good part:

However high the cost of following Jesus may seem, it is the highest privilege - preaching and demonstrating that the Kingdom of God is at hand; this Kingdom that many have awaited for (and many are still awaiting to experience or hear about). We are called to preach the Kingdom and demonstrate the Kingdom (healings, deliverance, etc)! And He has equipped us with His very own Spirit and power to do this very task. We are called to a greater than the ministry of Elisha who followed Elijah (and they both did some crazy things!)

If you're a follower of Jesus, you are called to high things, glorious things... You follow the One who has no beginning or no end, whose eyes blaze with fire, and whose loving sacrifice has given us full access to the throne of Dad our God. He only asks that we put our hands to the plow and follow Him, wherever He may take us, no matter how uncomfortable it may be... with eyes fixed on Him, moving forward. Jesus, who thought we were worth Him sacrificing His life for, is infinitely worth it.

An encounter with Kanye West and a homeless man

2012-01-19T16:59:00.000-08:00

Interesting story from last Friday...

I was on my way back home after having dinner with a friend and it was EXTREMELY cold, like bitter-cold. I was passing by a homeless man all bundled up (couldn't even really see his face because he was so bundled) who was holding up a sign and a cup for cash.

Now, my natural inclination was to get to the subway station as quickly as possible because it was SO cold (and I am not a fan of cold weather). But I felt bad for the man because it was so cold outside. I traced my steps back and dropped some money into his cup. I then asked him if he wanted anything like coffee. He said that hot chocolate would be awesome. So I run (it's cold) over to Tim Horton's, buy some hot chocolate, walk back, and give it to the guy. We have a short conversation about how he ended up on the streets and I'm surprised by how "sane" he was, relative to the many homeless people I've talked with on the streets of NYC. (They say that 80% of people on the streets have some sort of "mental illness".)

Anyways, I leave to go home and on my subway ride home, I'm thinking about the man and what I could do to help him out, especially with the freezing weather and all. I think about love and Jesus' definition for love -- the story of the Samaritan who stopped for the helpless one. His act of love for this stranger was providing housing until he got better. It's so... simple. :) Love isn't religion (the priest and the Levite passed the guy right by); it's defined as caring for someone even though you know they won't pay you back. It freely gives.

So I decide to try to find him housing for the night because at least he'll keep warm for one night... I call some people up and my friend Amos picks up his phone. He agrees to meet me to help this homeless man find housing.

So, picture this:

Amos and Cadengo (our other friend) in the front with me and the homeless man (Nigel) in the back of the car, driving around NYC looking for a hotel.

We park temporarily at a street while Amos looks up hotels on his phone. I spot a hotel across the street so we drive up to it. I go into the hotel and have a hard time opening the really heavy door, only to see a cool-looking African-American man with sunglasses open the door for me from behind. I thank him and walk up to the front desk to ask if they have any availabilities. They had none so I went back to the door to leave... and all these girls push past me, screaming in high voices, "OMG!!!!!!! I can't believe he's here!!!!!! OMGOMGOMG!!!!" I'm thinking, "Okay, ladies.... calm down."

I go into the car and Amos immediately asks, "Hey, is that Kanye?" I look to where Amos is pointing and he looks like the guy who opened the door for me... (still has his shades on) so I ask, "Um.. did he open the door for me from behind?" Amos, "Yeah, he was right behind you."

And then I'm like the ladies: "OMGOMGOMOGM!!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE KANYE OPENED THE DOOR FOR ME!!!!"

So random, eh?!

And all this is happening WHILE Nigel (the homeless man) is in the car. He comments, "Kanye's got good beats." :D

Now I rarely see celebrities so I couldn't help but to think that this was God's way of saying, "Good job, girl. You're serving the least of these... Here's a little treat. :)" I seriously sometimes feel the applause of heaven when we do little things in Jesus' name and in His love.

Long story short - we end up driving to Newark (near Nigel's telemarketing job) and book him a hotel for the night.

And an unnamed person ended up booking the room for him through gambling winnings they had earlier that week. *Cough*

Funny, eh?

Life is surely an adventure when you follow Jesus. Ha.

Go Time!

2012-01-13T12:44:00.000-08:00

It's harvest time!

Within the past month, I've heard of 2 people who got right with God by saying "yes" to Jesus for the first time. My friends led them... One on the street (all started with a word of kmowledge) and the other is a coworker (started with a prophetic word). I believe there will be many more people who will come into a relationship with their Maker. :)

I'm realizing that partnering with the Holy Spiritis is so key. We can't "convince" people to the truth with mere intellect or even apologetics. Because regeneration is a spiritual and real experience, it is something that must touch people's spirits, not just tickle their minds. We can't do this on our own strength. How we need the promised Helper!

Jesus healed. He multiplied bread. He cast out demons. He spoke words of knowledge (Samaritan woman). These things accompanied His proclamation of the Kingdom. People flocked because it is something only GOD could do.

What is something in the lives of people around us that is impossible in the natural? May we walk forth in faith to do IMPOSSIBLE things so that people will see that there is a God in heaven who knows them.

Use more, get more.

2012-01-04T16:03:00.000-08:00

God has been speaking to me recently about stewardship. As I ask Him for MORE (more of Him, His manifest presence, gifts, power), He's been reminding me of the Kingdom concept of stewardship.

Matthew 25:14-30 and Luke 12:42-46 teaches on this. Basically, we will be expected a demand of what we have been given. And to whoever has and is found to use it well ("investing" in the economic sense of the word), more will be given. I believe that this increase in return can be both applied to both in this world and in the eternal kingdom to come. Whatever we have been given, if we steward it well (maximizing it, using it), I believe God will give us more of it in this world and in the next... well, because He can trust us. :)

So the question that I think is very relevant as we step into the new year is - What gift or resource has God entrusted to you? How are you stewarding it? How you are stewarding it now will determine how much is given to you later.

Whatever it may be - a home, money, a gift of teaching or words of knowledge or helps, a ministry, a guitar, a job, a family - I pray that we would use these resources to the maximum, for His glory. And in doing so, may we be found trustworthy so that more can be entrusted to us.

Why do I want more in this lifetime? Well, there is a world waiting for an encounter with the Lord. We need so much more of His power as we go forth as His ambassadors. Count us faithful in the little and big, Lord.

It's a new year!!!

2012-01-01T19:10:00.000-08:00

I don't usually particularly get excited about new years, but I am really excited about this new year! I am filled with lots of HOPE for my own life, for those around me, and for this world at large.

The path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, which shines brighter and brighter until full day. Proverbs 4:18

Our paths will be brighter than the year before!

This is not the end. We will open our eyes and shine brighter, brightER!

HAPPY NEW YEAR, everyone!!!!!!!!!! :)

DNA.

2011-12-29T17:25:00.001-08:00

I was sitting at the coffee table and noticed how I had organized myself, with my Bible, pen, notebook, iPad, and glass of water. And it reminded me of how my dad used to be organized. I haven't seen him for 16 years now but it's crazy how little quirks that my sibs and I do resemble our dad. Genetics is a powerful thing.

And then I thought about spiritual DNA. In Christ, I am a new creation, the old has gone and the new has come. Sin is no longer my spiritual DNA. As child of God, my spiritual DNA flows from God. Ain't that crazy? So that means that as His child, I probably do things (without knowing even) that resemble my Dad. That means that when I see my sibs in Christ, I will also see traits in them that resemble our Dad. "Hey! You're really joyful. You remind me of our Dad." or.. "Wow, you're so loving. Totally resembling Dad right now.."

So cool. :)

The Supernatural & Stuff.

2011-12-23T17:44:00.000-08:00

So... I was sorta thrust into the world of the supernatural in the past year or so. It all started with a prophetic word (which I took pretty lightly) and then shortly after, a deep hunger for the supernatural and then open opportunities (i.e. Bethel).

If I had to put into words why I desire the supernatural:

1. I want God.

The infinite, eternal God who created the universe... I want to search Him out, experience Him, and know Him as closely as I can (for the rest of this life and beyond).

2. I want others to encounter God.

I've had personal encounters with God in my early 20s that sorta rocked my world.

Like, whoa- the God of the universe actually encountered lil ol' ME! He did this through a variety of ways, but many times, it was through people. I want others to come into an encounter with the living God - whether through a word of knowledge or healing or however it might be. So many people think that God is distant and indifferent when the reality is that He is SO close and SO loves us. I want people to experience Him!!!

Let Your Kingdom come and Your will be done here on earth as it is in heaven.

God is good!

2011-12-12T18:18:00.000-08:00

Wow, there is a God in heaven who made us... He made us with a purpose and fashioned us with love.

He loved us so much. But we fell from Him, left Him and His ways, became stuck in sin and all the consequences that come with it (disease, broken relationships, pain, etc). We got ourselves into this thing called bondage and hopelessness.

But He didn't leave us hopeless... He came and He rescued us. This rescue cost Him a lot; it cost Him His only Son. His Son left the perfection of heaven and came down and became clothed as a part of the very thing He created - a human. He served us, His very own creation... washing our feet, healing our diseases, multiplying our needs. And then He sacrificed His very own life in the most gruesome way - on a cross.

He took on Himself our shame there..

He took on Himself our sins.

He took on Himself our pain.

And He died just like a human.

But death did not hold Him down. He rose back up to life, defeating freaking death and sin!! And He reigns in heaven now, calling us into this new life. We are no longer hopeless. We have hope because there is One who defeated death and sin. If we call on His name, the name of Jesus who died for us and took on our sins, He will save us!

Yea-yuH!

"I see you."

2011-12-01T19:06:00.000-08:00

I was talking to Angie in the subway station the other day, sharing about Jesus and how He heals. Just as I was saying, "Jesus healed everyone!", a young woman overheard, stopped in her tracks, looked at us, and said, "That's nice to hear. I wish He could heal me" with a faint smile.

So we asked her if she was a believer and she said she grew up in the church but it'd been awhile. We asked her if she needed healing and she mentioned something about being homeless right now. (She didn't look homeless at first glance - nice, young artsy-looking woman in her late 20s.) She walked away after our short conversation, to the other side of the subway platform.

After several minutes, Angie and I decided to take the opportunity to pray for her. We walked all the way to her side of the subway platform and she shared with us for about half-hour on her life. She was really struggling in life at the present moment with a bunch of bad things happening to her one after the other.

In the end, we prayed for her and blessed her. She was so moved that she had tears running down her face by the end, kissed us on the cheek, and then ran away.

I walked away amazed that God would care for Meg and what she was going through. Although she did not know Him, He knew her. I felt like He sent us as a way of telling her, "I see you, Meg. I remember you."

How great is our Maker's love for all of His creation. Not one of us is forgotten by Him. Even the hairs on our head are numbered. Wow....

Rememberer of Dreams

2011-12-01T18:44:00.000-08:00

I've been surprised by God in the past of how He fulfilled past (and sometimes forgotten) dreams when I least expected them.

A couple of examples come to mind...

Sitting in a graduate school, we watched a documentary on a charter school that was bridging the achievement gap by providing lower-income students with a solid education, high expectations, and the opportunity to climb the mountain to college (a chance many of those in those communities don't get). I remember thinking, "Wow, I would love to work as a speech-language pathologist in a school like that one day..." It was a VERY fleeting thought. Lo and behold, God provided (I totally was not looking for a job in this sort of a school upon graduation) a job where I am now working in a charter school system that does exactly that. (Cool story of how I got the job but that's for another entry.)

Another example- Shortly after graduating college, I talked with many homeless people and taught children that were living in the projects. During that period, I thought - "I just want to live in the community WITH them one day..." Several years later, I somehow ended up living in East Harlem for 2 years.... In the part of Harlem where gun shootings were normal occurrences. I can't say we changed the place much but I count it a blessing to have gotten the chance to live WITH them in the community...

Etc.

More recently, God remembered a dream that I had forgotten. You see, one of the things I wanted to do with my speech-pathology skills was to help orphans in developing countries. Year after year, despite my searching, there seemed to be no open doors for this. So I sorta put this dream to the back shelf. And I was just faithful to the things placed in front of me. But recently, I got an opportunity to visit an orphanage in Asia, an orphanage for children with special needs that were abandoned.

You know, I had forgotten this dream. But as I thought about this opportunity, something inside me stirred... and I remembered the dream I had years ago, throughout college and my earlier years of my 20s. The dream to work with orphans (and eventually to adopt). :)

God remembered my dreams even when I had forgotten them.

What dreams did you have in the past? Maybe some are on the back shelf now. But God does not forget your dreams (think about Joseph). Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

It's time.

2011-11-25T20:01:00.000-08:00

I believe that there is a rising of warriors who will invade the kingdom of darkness with the kingdom of light, holding the sword of truth in their right hand and radical love in their left. His Kingdom has come and is coming. Love will show victorious. Who's ready?!?

Thankfulness, gratitude, whatever you wanna call it.

2011-11-24T11:00:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about the virtue of "thankfulness" or "gratitude" the past several weeks. According to a psychologist Segliman, one of the character traits associated with life success is the trait of gratitude. Not surprising, eh?

I'm not gonna lie. As a New Yorker, complaints come out of my mouth (or my heart) throughout the day. "Gosh, why isn't the train coming already..." or "These tourists in my way are SO annoying!" Anyone feel me on this??

But... God actually commands us to be thankful. Not only that, but to be thankful in ALL circumstances. Not only that, but that when we are presenting to God some anxious needs of ours, we should tell him about our needs with thanksgiving. I think that's why thankfulness might be something that we may need to discipline ourselves in, simply because it doesn't come to us naturally.

I am amazed by my brother Paul who was persecuted for his faith - locked up, beat up, hungry, cold - and yet learned to be content (or thankful) in all circumstances:

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Note that Paul wasn't thankful for his circumstances because his circumstances were quite honestly unstable. One day, he was well-fed and warm and another day, he was hungry and cold. So I don't think his thankfulness was merely for his circumstances, since they changed so much. I have been learning that happy-go-lucky circumstances may not be guaranteed to us. So if we are basing our thankfulness on circumstances alone, when hard times hit, it may be hard to be thankful. But thank God that because of His Son Jesus, no matter what our circumstances, there is ALWAYS hope. We have a Savior who came to restore all things in every area of our lives. And because of Him, we always have hope.

And so my friends, let us be thankful in all things. God is not only the Giver of all good gifts but He is also our strong Rock in whom there is no changing or turning. He has come to rescue and restore us. Wow!

Faith-check.

2011-10-22T19:15:00.000-07:00

Faith is put to the test and its rubber put to the road when one comes across impossibility.

Many of us may be believers, in the sense of adhering to a certain doctrine. We may believe that Jesus was the Son of God who died for our sins and that we are completely forgiven and justified before God because of what He did. (CRAZY deal!) He did that which was impossible on our own to do.

But when something impossible smaller than our salvation happens, like a financial need (for example), we have a hard time believing that God will pull through.

And yet, we believe that our sins are forgiven, which is a GREATER deal (like life and death deal) than where our next rent or meal may come from.

My small faith when looking at seeming impossibilities have caused me to wonder at my faith even for salvation. Do I really truly believe that when I stand before the Creator of the universe one day, He will declare me justified and righteous? If I can't believe in God for the small tangibles of this physical realm, do I truly have faith for promises guaranteed to me in the eternal realm?

James talks about faith and how faith (spiritual realm) is manifested in the natural realm. If we have faith, our deeds would show - we would feed the poor, love the needy, etc- because what is happening on the outside is a reflection of what is happening on the inside. In the same way, I think that if we have faith for impossibilities concerning the natural (healing, provision, etc), maybe we do we have faith for impossibilities concerning the spiritual (forgiveness, salvation).

What natural impossibilities do you have before you today?

May God move those mountains today, just as He moved the biggest mountain of all for you 2000 years ago.

Trust.

2011-10-14T13:51:00.000-07:00

I had a conversation with Dennis last night where we both agreed on one thing - we've never really had to trust in God before, like we do in this season.

We often throw around Christian jargon like "trusting in God" but I don't think my previous life really required much of this professed trust in God. My life was pretty self-sufficient and kinda standard, I guess.

I realized that trust is tested when there is a lack of something. Like, if there is a lack of communication between you and a significant other for an extended amount of time (for example let's say, one is traveling and has no access to phone/internet for a year), your trust of your significant other is tested.

I think it's similar with God. If we have a lack of job security, our trust in God for His provision is put to the test. If we have a lack of children (barrenness), our trust in God of His goodness is put to the test. If we have a lack of health, our trust in God of His healing and sovereignty is put to the test.

It's crazy that when natural circumstances proved otherwise with King David, he still trusted and hoped in the Lord. When hundreds of people were after him to kill him several times in his life, he hoped in the Lord that He would deliver his life. And God came through... every time. :)

In whatever season you may be or however our world shakes (economically, physically, etc), may our trust in our God be proved to be genuine for He is our Rock who never moves and our God is good always.

God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea...

Psalm 46: 1-2

I look at Him

2011-09-23T21:51:00.001-07:00

and I can't help but to smile. :)

Life is whizzing by...

2011-09-23T21:45:00.000-07:00

Things are in full force right now. Kinda really busy!

Stop. Look up. Look inwards. Look at Him. Be loved. Love Him back. Love others. Smile. I'm loved. Joy gurgling. God's delight in me. His Kingdom in me. Overflowing. Smile. Laugh. Bring others into this dance.

Yay. :)

Better than I could fathom...

2011-08-16T22:34:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I hear in the (particularly Asian) Christian culture things like:

"Yeah, I'm so depraved..."

"Marriage is hard because after all, it's 2 sinners coming together."

"Ugh, we're such sinners. Thank God for grace. I'm such a sinner."

We linger and boast in our sinfulness and depravity. But rather, I believe the truth is, "(I used to be depraved but...) I'm now God's kid!"

Do we still sin? Yes, we do. Sin is right there with us when we want to do good many times. This present world and our bodies have not yet been fully redeemed.

Are we still sinners? Yes, we once were. But that was in a past life. :)

With Jesus, our identity is no longer as a sinner or depraved, hanging on by a small sliver thread of grace. His grace, my friends, is not that stingy. :) His grace and love is overwhelmingly generous and way better than what we could ever fathom. He sent His only son to die to demonstrate His love for us! Crazy.

Because of that, we can enter into His throne of grace with CONFIDENCE, rather than timidity. Because of that, we are now God's kids and adopted into His international family! Because of that, we are kings and queens (co-heirs with Christ). And this is just the start.

I truly believe that when we start transforming our minds to this reality (because it IS reality if we could see with spiritual eyes), we will start living fuller and more victorious lives. We are always on the winning side. Love has come and adopted us. The eternal Kingdom of God has been placed into our very beings. We are more than conquerors! What a crazy reality, better than I could ever fathom!

Yea-yuH! :)

Miracle Story #2: San Francisco

2011-08-13T01:06:00.000-07:00

This is something that happened in San Francisco, shortly after leaving Bethel Church.

Matty and I were doing touristy stuff, hanging out at the famous Ghiradelli Square. We met a homeless man next to a psychic place. Matty went to buy him a sandwich and I got to chat with the homeless man. His name was Donald. Because he didn't have teeth, it was kinda hard to understand him. But from what I was able to gather, he was crippled. Several years ago, he was badly beat and was choked. He said that he was "mentally ill" now and hears voices.

Can I just say that I felt the compassion of Christ in overwhelming measure for this man?? Aw man! Christ died so this man could be healed and set free!

I asked if I could pray for his legs which he was more than open to. I put my hands on his legs and commanded them to be healed. Then HE placed my hand on his head wanting prayer there. I then rebuked the enemy and the voices in Jesus' name and told them to... shut up. Ha.

Afterwards, he said that the voices had stopped. He said that he felt "touched" and felt a lot better. I could tell that his countenance changed and that the oppression was lifted off. He was worried that the voices would come back though. I told him, "When those voices come back again, you tell them to stop in Jesus' name. Jesus has power over those demons, Donald." He nodded and said he would.

Jesus wins so we always win.

Boo-yah! ;)

Miracle story #1

2011-08-03T09:56:00.000-07:00

There are a ton of stories that I carry back with me from Bethel's conference and even after Bethel. I feel that something inside of me has shifted and I am so much more bold and free. After all, we have not been given a spirit of fear but one of boldness. ;)

This boldness and faith to operate in the supernatural is not for a select - the "spiritually elite" or whatever. I believe that it's for all those who have a relationship with God through Jesus -- for those who have the Spirit of God (who raised Jesus from the dead) in them.

The enemy doesn't want us to know how powerful we are. Jesus said that we would do even greater things than He did! Then why do we not function in that? Why do we not heal the sick, cast out demons, and do the very things that Jesus did when He was here on earth? One thing I realized is that doing these things require risk. Taking risks is scary, no doubt! But when we make the jump, God comes through. :)

Here's a quick story for now. (Will probably be sharing more later, haha.):

My "treasure hunt" team and I (4 of us) found a homeless woman wearing red. This was one of the "clues" that one of the girls on our team (Dan) got when we asked God to give us clues of who our treasure was. We stopped her and her friend. My friend Dan asked her if her wrists were hurting, since that was a clue that God had given her. The woman in red said, "Yes, in fact I have carpal tunnel in both of my wrists."

Dan: "What is the pain level from 1-10?"

Woman: "8."

Dan: "Ok, do you mind if I pray for you?"

Woman in red: "Go for it."

(Dan puts her hands on the woman's wrists and prays a simple prayer.)

Dan: "How much does it hurt now?"

Woman: "4"

Our team leader: "Ok, when that happens, we thank God for the full healing that is taking place. Let's take some time to thank God for healing!"

(Team thanks God out loud.)

Dan: "Ok, how much does it hurt now?"

Woman: (rolls her wrists around) "ZERO!!!"

Praise God! And then our team leader asked if they were believers (they were) and gave them words of knowledge which encouraged them a lot. Ok, this is only ONE story. ;)

Guess what. We get to walk forth in the same power that Jesus has because He lives in us! Let's release His light and love wherever we go. The Kingdom is at hand. The world is waiting for an encounter with a loving and living God!

Blur!!!

2011-07-23T18:11:00.001-07:00

I'm moving out of Harlem! It's been 2 years here. :)

Moving out...

I moved my stuff to storage today.

I will be moving out the rest of the furniture onto the street tomorrow and moving the rest of my stuff to my home in Queens.

Onwards to the west...

Then on Monday, I'll be leaving for a month-long trip to Cali.

I'll be going to Bethel Church in Redding, CA for their revival lifestyle conference. I will be staying with Dennis' friend's friend's spiritual father's home. (Get that? Mouthful, huh? Random but excited to meet them all!)

Then, southwards to San Francisco for a couple of days.

Then, southwards to Orange County for a couple of weeks (where Dennis lives now).

And possibly a trip to San Jose somewhere in between.

Back to NY...

After a month of non-humid sun, I'll come back to NY to Queens.

Then, I'll start work.

Then, at the end of September, I'll be moving to FiDi.

Blur! That is all. :)

All good things come from God

2011-07-09T16:26:00.001-07:00

Good things:

Happiness

Laughter

Friends

Family

Children

Significant other

Books

Good weather

Thunderstorm

Beaches

Music

A good cup of coffee

Brunch!

Sun set

Sun rise

Beauty

Water

Good conversations

Tickling!

Hugs

Good art

Mountains

Hiking

Swimming in rivers

Food, particularly strawberries

Thank You, God for these things. They all come from YOU since You are good! :)

This is our moment to shine

2011-07-09T16:24:00.000-07:00

Cheryl created another song. So. Good.

The chorus really uplifts my soul! This is our moment to shine, no looking back now, this is our moment to shine.

I had no more strength in me...

2011-06-25T07:32:00.001-07:00

... so I asked God to carry me.

And He totally has been. :)

(His yoke is easy and His burden is light!)

Ugh, Jon Foreman and the way he has with words!

2011-06-23T18:58:00.001-07:00

Jon Foreman has a gift with words. This is why I love Switchfoot. Being a strong "N" (ENFP, Myers Briggs), I usually listen to music for the lyrics versus for the music alone (I've found that most people are vice versa). I absolutely LOVE the use of words and use of language in Jon Foreman's lyrics to convey human yet transcendent ideas. And he does it again in this article titled "Making a Living."

Here's an awesome excerpt from the article that will be worth your time. :)

----
The best stories often come from inconvenient and uncomfortable places.

Like a newborn child, real life comes out painfully, awkwardly, delicately. As a pearl is formed only when the oyster is agitated with sand, the most important moments in my life were born out of friction. The art comes from the awkward ache. The knot in my stomach usually teaches me more than comfort ever could. The sculptor's chisel carves away at the block to bring something new into being. In the same way, we hammer away at the world we're given to bring something new into being. We re-appropriate the past and present to create the future -- breath by breath.

We are making our living on a dying planet, born into a world of contingencies.
Ours world is torn to shreds by the greed of men, the intolerance of our times, and the wars that rage on in the world around us. Every day our bodies are decaying. On the day of our birth, our death becomes an eventuality. Yes, the world we've been given is under the dark shadow of these struggles. We're born into the fight. It's as though we're armed only with a dream. So it's no surprise that our hopes are dulled on the battlefield of institutionalized cynicism. In this world of death and taxes we might even begin to question whether dreams are appropriate. Against the backdrop of despair, we are tempted to abandon the struggle of hope and accept dead cash instead. We're tempted to believe that "the real world" could never be anything other than it is.

But isn't "the real world" largely what we humans have made it? Let us remind ourselves that the "financial security" that we are slaving for is anything but secure. Let's remember that this peace of mind recently went bankrupt. Yes, these supposedly stalwart investment institutions were bailed out by a government that faces an insurmountable debt. Let's take it even further and recall that none of us has any control or security over the day of our birth or death. And in this context I believe that "making a living" cannot be tied to the paycheck alone. Rather we make the real world of tomorrow today. Moment by blessed moment, we're making a living.

To make this kind of living takes incredible creativity. To see the limitless possibility in the present moment takes a wild imagination. And it's not just artists that need this untamed ingenuity.

A good teacher is creative. A good computer programmer is creative. A good mom is incredibly creative. A good lawyer looks beyond the contingencies of injustice and works to bring a more virtuous existence into being.

In fact, the argument could be made that a human being is most God-like when she is most creative.

Superstar Cheryl

2011-06-23T18:54:00.001-07:00

My good friend Cheryl has one of the most amazing voices I've ever heard and that's not even an understatement.

She (finally!) created her first original song. I'm so proud of her!

Why less meat?

2011-06-16T17:35:00.001-07:00

Here are some reasons why I decided to become a meat minimalist.

1. Eating less meat is healthier for you.
I fasted from meat/seafood during Lent and after it ended, I sorta went crazy with the meat and seafood. Shortly after that, I came down with horrible food poisoning from seafood. Horrible food poisoning as in threw up 30x in 2 hours. I think the seafood was contaminated. Anyways, I realized that there is so much risk that goes with meat (contamination, heart disease, etc)... might as well stick with the healthy, green stuff.

2. America is overly meat-gluttonous and there is something very unnatural about it.
The more I abstain from meat, the more I realized how Americans engage in meat-gluttony in an unnatural and overly carnivorous way, even unlike many other countries. Like, eating a huge 16 oz chunk of animal meat (aka steak) for a meal?

3. Killing another living being to eat was not the original design.

In Genesis, God told Adam that he could eat all of the plants and stuff that grows on trees, etc (no mention of killing animals). It wasn't until the sin thing happened that God told Adam that he could kill and eat animals. Before the fall, there was no such thing as murdering another living being. In fact, Adam's main job was to take care of creation. When I see how the food industry raises and kills animals, it is disgusting. We should be taking care of the animals, not abusing them with the end goal of slaughtering them (cruelly) for our gluttonous consumption.

Anyways, I say all this but I still crave galbi and all sorts of meats and seafood. :) I don't think I have the self-discipline to go completely vegetarian since I love the taste of meat so I'm going to try the whole meat minimalist thing out. We shall see how it goes!

I'm a meat minimalist

2011-06-16T07:57:00.001-07:00

I tried doing the vegetarian thing and that's been a big fail. :(

So I thought about where I stood with this whole food thing. And as I was walking yesterday, I thought that the most fitting label for my food orientation would be "meat minimalist".

If I could define "meat minimalist" in Merriam-Julia's dictionary, it would be:
One who tries to eat meat as little as possible.

It's sort of like a vegetarian who cheats (frequently).

I will explain in another entry as to WHY I decided to be a meat minimalist. But for now, I've gotta say that:
a. I've had more energy and need less sleep (which is saying a lot for me).
b. I get hungry more often, which forces me to eat more vegetables/fruits/nuts/etc.
c. I can't eat as much meat as I used to. (Case in point, I tried eating 2 pieces of fried chicken but could only finish one small piece before I got really full.)

Cheers to meat minimalism!

A recent thought

2011-06-14T14:33:00.000-07:00

We can surrender all things to God out of a trust that the One whom we are surrendering to is completely good and will only allow things to happen to us that are for our good.

Singing in the Forest

2011-06-14T14:28:00.001-07:00

I love Gungor for their musical creativity and rawness. They're like my new favorite band.

How cool is this? They're singing about creation whilst IN creation (the forest).

I also love this song about the hope in dismantled things becoming beautiful.

Build those muscles!

2011-05-31T10:16:00.000-07:00

As we all know, building muscles is HARD WORK. Which is why I have weakling muscles. (I haven't been to the gym in like 3 months, ha!)

I've learned that faith muscles are the same. In order for our faith muscles to grow stronger, they need to go through some hard-core work and discipline. I believe that it's in the midst of trials or darkness that our faith muscles can grow.

One pastor told me that faith is that period between the time that you've received a promise from God to the time that it's fulfilled. Faith is believing when God seems to be absent. This is a hard thing to do!

Anyways, I'm amazed by how much my faith muscles have grown in the past year. I believe and trust way more than when I first entered into this season of darkness. I've had my plenty of share of "bad news" but with every one of those, to choose to trust in God.... it was a workout act of building my faith "muscles".

Anyways, Dennis has his PET/CT scan today (like right now). The last two scans showed that he still had cancer post-radiation treatment. We are running out of medical options now and if it's found that the cancer grew, the only option seems to be a highly invasive, amputative-type surgery. This morning, as I was chatting with God, in my mind's eye, I saw an image of Jesus on a horse with a huge sword in his hand, getting ready to come and deliver and rescue us, to defeat our foes. And then the word "Psalm 45" came to mind so I turned to it and read these verses, symbolic of Jesus:

³ Gird your sword on your side, you mighty one;

clothe yourself with splendor and majesty.
⁴ In your majesty ride forth victoriously
in the cause of truth, humility and justice;
let your right hand achieve awesome deeds.
⁵ Let your sharp arrows pierce the hearts of the king’s enemies;
let the nations fall beneath your feet.

Haha! It reminded me of the image I had. Then, Julia Y. sent me an email saying that as she was praying for me and Dennis, the word "rescue" was placed on my heart.

He is coming to rescue us. I know that we are asking for an impossible thing and I don't know how His rescue will look like or when it will come. But I know for sure, 100%, that He is coming to rescue us, that we may see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. He is good, He is mighty, and He will be glorified!

Continue to Do Good...

2011-05-31T10:09:00.000-07:00

"Those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good." (1 Peter 4: 19)

As y'all know, the past 1.5 years or so have been craziness. I've had to wrestle with thoughts and situations that none of my peers have had to go through. It's been a lonely journey and it's been incredibly dark, many of the times.

During times of suffering, it's easy to focus on "me". But when God gave me 1 Peter (specifically chapter 4) several months ago, one of the verses that struck me was this verse. It's so counter-intuitive! Why should I focus on serving others, listening to others, forgiving others, loving others when I'm going through SO much? (Subjectively speaking, of course.)

But as I commit myself into the loving hands of my Creator, I understand that I mustn't worry. I must entrust myself to Him and continue to do good. To continue to serve, love, listen, pray. It's counter-intuitive but I believe it's an action of faith and trust that Dad knows. :)

My Thankful List

2011-05-29T17:11:00.001-07:00

I was reminded by Seth Barnes to cultivate thankfulness, so here is my list of things I'm thankful for today.

Today, I'm thankful for...

1. the awesome picnic I had at Central Park with babies, toddlers, kids, teenagers, and adults today.

2. Dennis graduating with his Masters (engineering) yesterday!!!!!

3. the dream that I woke up from this morning. It had God in it, I think. And wherever God is, it's always a peaceful/joyful/loving place. :)

4. my strawberry plant that I got several days ago (I LOVE strawberries).

5. my friends, community, and family who I get to journey with, through the craziness of life.

6. the message Pastor Bruce gave this morning on darkness/suffering. I resonated with it so much but realized that I am a step ahead of the darkness and now am at a place of hoping in God. Man, He grew me a lot this past year. :)

7. the fact that I have a job that I love but super thankful that I no work tomorrow (thanks to Memorial Day!) and that I get to spend it with LIC in CT.

8. the warm weather which is way better than the harsh, snowy, cold winter we had.

9. Trader Joe's. 'Nuff said.

10. God's crazy, unending love for me. The fact that His heart is filled with love when He looks at me is so... out-of-this-world!

Rivers in the Desert!!

2011-04-27T18:29:00.000-07:00

Dennis and I went to the Joshua Tree National Park last week. We decided to go because it was NATIONAL PARK WEEK, meaning that all national parks were FREEEEE! (And if you know me, you know how much I LOVE free stuff!)

It was my first time going to a desert and as we got closer to the park during on our 3-hour drive, I could already tell that we were starting to enter a real desert. Now, I'm a New Yorker, born and raised. I have never been to a real desert before (well, I guess southern California could be considered a desert but I'm talking about deserts with cacti and sand and stuff) and I know that there are a lot of analogies in the Bible to the desert. Spiritually speaking, I feel like I have been in a season of desert for some time now, waiting for fresh and refreshing wind to come my way!

So, during the drive, I asked God to give me a passage about the desert that He wanted to show me, especially since we've figuratively been in a desert season. I sensed the word "Isaiah" so I turned to it and fell on this passage:

Do not be afraid, Jacob, my servant,
Jeshurun, whom I have chosen.
3 For I will pour water on the thirsty land,
and streams on the dry ground;
I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring,
and my blessing on your descendants.
4 They will spring up like grass in a meadow,
like poplar trees by flowing streams. (Isaiah 44: 2-4)

And the previous chapter:

18 “Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.
20 The wild animals honor me,
the jackals and the owls,
because I provide water in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland,
to give drink to my people, my chosen,
21 the people I formed for myself
that they may proclaim my praise. (Isaiah 43: 18-21)

I shared this with Dennis during our drive there and he mentioned, "I don't know if there are rivers in the desert that are flowing. I guess we'll see if God shows us one!"

Alas, when we got to the desert (a.k.a. the Joshua Tree Park),

after driving and walking around the dry desert, we came upon an oasis. Amidst the DRYNESS of the desert - the sand, sun, little shade - there was a place of respite. [I provide water in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland, to give drink to my people, my chosen.]

I found this to be true in my spiritual desert. He did provide brief glimpses of respite and refreshment for me to go on and to continue to persevere. Now, the hike back from the oasis was longer than I thought (it really wasn't though, says Dennis but he's a crazy hiker so whatever) and I felt like we would NEVER reach our destination (the parking lot) but I kept walking, grumbling like the Israelites, but trekking on... believing that we would arrive at our destination soon.

So, that was cool... the oasis and the trekking/persevering through the desert experience. :)

But, wait. There's a cool-ER part. On our drive back from the Park, still in the "desert" though (dry, sandy, rocks, etc), Dennis said, "Look, a river!" I turned and saw gushing streams!! There WERE streams of river in the deserts! [I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground.] And they were GUSHING! In the DESERT!

Cool, huh? :D (We were driving so we couldn't take pictures though! Boo..)

So, yeah. We wait. And walk on. And persevere. Because we know that our Dad can do such a thing. He can make streams in the desert and He will make that way for us. Amen!

Bill's Thoughts on Cancer and God

2011-03-15T17:05:00.000-07:00

I've been following 2 law professors' blog for some time now. They are both evangelical Protestants. One taught at Harvard, the other teaches at Yale.

Bill Stuntz (Harvard professor) was diagnosed with colon cancer a couple of years ago and he passed away today. As his friend and co-blogger described him, "I’ve never seen anyone live out Jesus’s call to love others as we love ourselves the way Bill did."

After the entry that Bill wrote after a round of chemotherapy (was stage 4 at the time), someone asked this question on his blog:

I'm curious how this past year has impacted your faith. I'm sure it has brought you comfort, but has it changed how you approach God? ... How do hard times, like living with cancer, affect faith?

Here's Bill's poignant response:

It's a fair comment, and one I want to answer in a post soon. Here's a rough first crack at an answer, at least for me; it comes in two parts:

First, I have no proofs, and no ridicule for those who see things differently. I admire all those who wrestle with the question why we're here, and with the question whether THAT question makes any sense.

The second part is this: I find it much easier to believe in a perverse God than to believe in none at all. Nine years of chronic pain, of which about six years have been constant and mostly severe, have left me with the fixed and unchangeable sense that this is wrong--that my body is not meant to fill me with agony, that this is not what I was made for. Not "wrong" in the sense of a mistaken piece of product design but wrong in deeply moral terms: like a less extreme version of the wrong that comes when a child starves or dies of some awful disease.

Cancer is like that, only more so: Your body is literally eating away at you, like some acidic poison. Talk about a house divided against itself. And cancer treatment fights that poison with a poison of its own.

These sensations give rise to anger, bitterness, determination, and a host of other feelings. But never do they leave me with a sense of meaninglessness: if they did, I'd have ended my own life long ago. I have never so clearly perceived moral order as during these years when my own condition, and even more so the condition of those I see around me when I'm hospitalized or undergoing chemotherapy, violates that moral order.

And yet, for all the ugliness and disease and pain and death, I also perceive something else: indescribable beauty, and the unstoppable power of small acts of love. A world that, sometimes, had seemed to me small and indifferent now seems filled with a strange mix of incredible goodness and the worst awfulness imaginable. Life at its loveliest and most intense seems to spring from death and ugliness.

To me, that suggests a world made for beauty and moral order that has been corrupted, twisted, bent. Either God is on the side of the disorder and corruption, in which case He is my adversary, or He is on the side of order and beauty, in which case His failure to put a stop to the awfulness seems a mystery.

I don't have a neat solution to that mystery, but Christianity does have a response to it: the God in Whom I believe took the worst awfulness and ugliness and indignity on Himself: as though every piece of hell for all of human history was concentrated on a particular person at a particular point in time--and that person took it, and overcame it. So He can, and I believe does, come alongside me and share in it, grieve over it, and give me the stamina to endure it and the wisdom to live in its midst. I don't believe those things exist in me; they come from some force as alien to my mind as the chemo drugs are alien to my body.

There is a line in the Shawshank Redemption that captures the essential point. The narrator tells of prisoner Andy Dufresne's escape, and notes that he had to crawl through a sewer line to get out: "He crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side." I believe God the Son did that, and did it so that the ugliness and indignity need not stick to me, and to countless more who suffer much worse, and with much less justification.

The upshot of all that is belief in a God who can be trusted with my illness, because He does not stand apart from it, but participates in it and lends His love and his power to the experience. And a God who helps me live in a way that lends value to the illness and suffering, makes it productive of something good, even as it remains the awful business that it is.

All that is a poor explanation, I know. It does not seem to me obvious, which is why I can't bring myself to criticize those who refuse to buy it. But I hope it helps to answer your question.

----

God is good. Will meet you in the City one day, Bill.

I refused to sing this song....

2011-03-08T18:50:00.001-08:00

I was at IHOP (International House of Prayer)'s annual "One Thing" conference last year. We sang a song written by Misty Edwards called "Fling Wide".

Whenever we got to this part, I would shut my mouth and refuse to sing it:

Take me through the fire
Take me through the rain
Take me through the testing
I’ll do anything
Test me try me prove me refine me
Like to gold, like to gold

I thought.. um.. this is like asking for suffering. I don't want to be taken through the fire or the rain or the testing. I'm not gonna ASK for it.

Ironically, 3 weeks later would be when the fire and the rain and the testing would come when Dennis was diagnosed with cancer.

More than a year later and still in the midst of the fire, my clenched hands are finally starting to open. I'm finally starting to release and trust. I'm finally able to say, "I'll do anything. Test me, try me, prove me, refine like to gold." Let's be honest now. It's a difficult thing to say and to mean it. It's difficult to say because we don't know how much the fire will hurt. Honestly, for me, it's hurt a lot thus far.

I'm starting to see that to go through suffering is to commune and relate with my friend Jesus who suffered significantly more on my behalf. I get to relate with Him in this way. And one day, I will get to relate with Him in His joy and the glories. The joy will come. The glory will come. For now, until that day, my faith, which is more precious than gold, will be refined through the fire.

I won't be afraid. I will face the wind.

I won't be afraid. I'll embrace the flame.

Just let the winds blow, let the winds blow.

I never thought I'd say this even just a few months ago...

2011-01-22T20:33:00.000-08:00

I thank You, Dad, for the trials You've put in my way this past year. You do this because You love me and want to grow character in me which will produce hope that will not disappoint. I can't believe I'm saying this but I am joyful that I can go through this so that my faith can be tested as genuine... my faith that is more precious than gold in Your sight. Thank You for the hardships. You grow me through them. Thank You, thank You, thank You...!

(I Peter 1: 6-7, James 1: 2-3)

Contrasting Coasts

2011-01-22T20:24:00.001-08:00

Was taking this in just a few weeks ago in California.

Was taking this in just last week outside my window in NY.

Some thoughts on Job 5

2011-01-22T20:10:00.000-08:00

Believers are not to expect great wealth, long life, or to be free from trials. But all will be ordered for the best. And remark from Job's history, that steadiness of mind and heart under trial, is one of the highest attainments of faith. There is little exercise for faith when all things go well. But if God raises a storm, permits the enemy to send wave after wave, and seemingly stands aloof from our prayers, then, still to hang on and trust God, when we cannot trace him, this is the patience of the saints. Blessed Saviour! how sweet it is to look unto thee, the Author and Finisher of faith, in such moments!

- Matthew Henry

(Deep roots will cause a tree not to fall even though the winds against it be strong.)

Love & waiting.

2011-01-15T08:37:00.000-08:00

Although I grew up in a church-ed environment as a PK (pastor's kid), I didn't experience the personal love of God until several years ago. Living in the REALITY that there is the Sovereign God loves me, even unto death, has changed and continues to change my paradigm of life.

Recently, my boyfriend also went through a similar experience when he went to visit Bethel Church. He's been a Christian for the past 7-8 years now and all but it was at this point in life with cancer and all that his desire for intimacy with God deepened. And it seems that this personal encounter with Love has also shifted his paradigm.

It pains me when I see people who have been "church-ed" for awhile and have not yet experienced the reality (and it IS a reality because if we could see it for what reality really is, we'd see a God who thinks upon us now, hears us, loves us, waits for us, and even loved us to the point of death.) But as A.W. Tozer said, "He waits to be wanted."

You see, the Father could've chased after his younger son who wanted his dad's inheritance money and leave home. The father could've forced him to stay or better yet, refuse to give him his inheritance money (after all, he wasn't dead yet). But no, he let him go and then.... he waited. The younger son indeed came back in his pitiful, hungry, longing state wanting to be back home. And the Father ran to him and embraced him with love.

He waits to be wanted. He waits to be called upon. He waits to hear us utter, "Dad, I want you." And turning to Him, we'll see that He's wanted us eternally more than we wanted Him. That He's been waiting for us as a faithful husband would. That He loves us more than we could ever understand. Oh, the depths of His love for us.

Wake up.

2011-01-07T15:50:00.000-08:00

Within this past week alone, I've heard gun shots in my 'hood, heard that was a teenage boy was shot up near my workplace, saw a man passed out on the floor with his shoes off and totally drunk, hear of wheels and deals passing by corners, and saw a man that I was pretty sure was demon-possessed.

Precious and beloved but bound and blind.

I feel like it's a wake-up call to pray for the place where I live. Oh God, that Your love would infiltrate the corners of this 'hood and take back these young men and women, old men and women from the grips of darkness. Bring them into your marvelous light of hope.

In Jesus' name, Amen.

Love has come.

2010-12-26T15:26:00.000-08:00

I know, it's a day after Christmas. Kinda belated but I thought I'd share this song anyway. :) I like the lyrics to this Christmas song by David Ruis.

Click here for the free download.

Some of the lyrics:

Hallelujah, the angels' song

Hallelujah, Love has come

Comfort, mercy, and justice

A new day has dawned

A new way has come

Where righteousness reigns

Where darkness is gone

Love has come

An epiphany on the plane

2010-12-26T09:38:00.000-08:00

My plane barely took off in time at the start of the blizzard that was to hit New York. It had JUST started snowing when we boarded. After the plane went through a de-icing process, we finally made it out in the snow.

Once we were in the air, there was only white to be seen out the window. Clouds and snow.

And then IT started.

There was SO much turbulence as the plane struggled to push through the clouds and the snow as it continued to ascend higher. I've been through my share of turbulence but this was kinda really scary. The turbulence probably lasted for only 10 minutes but it seemed a lot longer. (On a side note, it's interesting how I start praying and clinging to God for life during dramatic turbulence moments. Any of y'all like this too?)

Anyways, as we continued to struggle to ascend through the thick of the white for what seemed like a longg time, I saw a small glimpse of light up ahead. The plane flew higher and higher (still rattling and shaking) and finally pierced up through the barrier of clouds into the light.

We had conquered the turbulence and it was found under our feet (like, literally). Immediately, it was calm. The turbulence stopped. And suddenly, as though there had been no struggle, we peacefully hovered with the white thickness below us.

In that moment, I had an epiphany. (Dramatic, I know.) Sometimes, life struggles may seem unending just like the turbulence. You wonder if it'll ever stop. The shaking seems so great, you wonder if you'll make it through. But there IS an end to the struggle. When we focus our eyes upwards to the glimpse of light and hope beyond the turbulence, we will see that there IS an end. And as we persevere, we will arrive to that place of fulfilled promises. We will stand and find the turbulence under our feet, conquered.

Or as in the words of Paul to the Romans, "The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you." Amen & werd. :)

When do you feel heaven come?

2010-12-16T18:03:00.003-08:00

Jesus said that the Kingdom of God is within our hearts.

I think that there are moments we experience small glimpses of what Heaven on earth is and what it will be like in its fullness in eternity. It could be in laughing with friends, doing something that you naturally thrive in and are gifted in, driving when the sun is setting, creating something, worshipping, or helping people. I think for me, one of those glimpses happen when I'm in community of brothers and sisters and we're just laughing or crying and loving on each other.

When do you experience glimpses of Kingdom come?

Some quotes that have been speaking to me

2010-12-04T07:26:00.000-08:00

“I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still possess.”
Martin Luther

"I miss my wife in numberless ways and shall miss her yet more and more, but as a child of God and as a servant of the Lord Jesus I bow. I'm satisfied with the will of my heavenly Father. I seek by perfect submission to his holy will to glorify Him and kiss continually the hand that has thus afflicted me". (Written after his wife's death)
George Muller

Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea

2010-11-16T17:08:00.001-08:00

Barbara Demick is a journalist for the Los Angeles Times. In this book, she poignantly covers the stories of six defectors from North Korea. It is through the lenses of these six individuals that we are given a small glimpse of what ordinary lives in North Korea look like.
I think that the biggest takeaway I had from this book is thinking about the humanity of North Korea. A lot of times, I think that we dehumanize that country as an oppressive regime, an "axis of evil", a nation with a crazy dictator, a place that arrests and steals journalists and threatens nuclear warfare.

But... we rarely stop to think about the actual people that live inside that place. What are their thoughts about the regime and all of the propaganda? Do they actually believe it? What are their family lives like? What are their dreams, goals, aspirations, if any? Do they experience romantic love? What do their daily routines look like?

This book covers the stories of two defectors and their adolescent love, an elite university student's aspirations and thoughts, a look into daily family life amidst the homelessness, starvation, and death. The book follows them into their successful defection into South Korea and the difficulty in adjustment that comes with it.

I walked away from this book with more questions. NK is indeed a puzzling country and the eventual, hopeful rehabilitation of that country will be no easy thing.

I recommend this book to anyone interested in this country. :)

(Thanks to Dennis for getting me the book after I mentioned it to him in passing after I had read about it somewhere.)

An upside-down way...

2010-10-12T17:32:00.001-07:00

What is speaking to me tonight is this upside-down way that I need to pursue more. I need to pursue serving, loving, and considering your interests more than what I'm doing now. (Will explain what I mean by this "upside-down way" later on in this entry.)

Paul's encouragement to the Philippians was to pursue humility in loving one another -

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."

Counter-cultural, eh? But he doesn't just command it and stop there. He gives us a model.

In the next verse, Paul states, "Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedience to death - even death on a cross!"

Jesus lived His life as a model of this humility and servanthood, even unto death. Wow. But again, it don't stop there. "THEREFORE, God exalted Him to the highest place and gave Him the name above that is above every name."

It's an upside-down way where the servant of this world who sacrificed His life for this world becomes the King of kings. It's an upside-down way where the last becomes first and the first, last. Such a necessary reminder in this culture. So necessary that I wrote a note-to-self:

Easier said than done. Lord, help me.

Brooke Fraser's new song, "Flags", captures this concept really well. Brooke is awesome.

Normalization

2010-09-25T14:51:00.000-07:00

The past month or so, my life has been NORMALIZING. And I'm actually really thankful for having a somewhat "normal" life!

I remember when we were in the thick of the cancer situation, I wondered if I would ever go back to "normal" again... meaning, would I ever be myself again? I think the shock of going through traumatic news exhibits itself in post-traumatic stress disorder-like symptoms. I felt like I couldn't snap out of this funk that I was in.

Anyways.. things are normalizing again. And I'm so thankful. :)

--------

On another note, I came across this woman's blog. Her husband, Dan Cho, a musician (toured with Regina Spektor) and ESPN blog-writer, died in a tragic swimming accident this summer. She journals her thoughts for her 2 year old daughter in her blog. There's something about tragedy that I find myself being able to relate with and am sending prayers her way.

Thank you...

2010-09-15T18:36:00.000-07:00

...to those who asked me "How is Dennis?" during the 7 months of him battling through cancer twice (2 major surgeries and 7-week radiation treatment).

As I reflect back on what seems to have been the most difficult 7 months of my life, if I were to be honest, it was a pretty lonely journey. Lonely because I didn't think (well actually, I was pretty sure) that people just didn't understand what I was going through. Understandably though because there are not many 20 something year-olds who have significant others go through cancer... twice... 1 month into their relationship. It's just an incredibly unique circumstance. :O

I'll be honest with you guys. There were times when I was disappointed when I felt that those around me didn't seem to acknowledge the gravity of the situation I was in and never or barely asked. They just seemed to go on with their happy, normal lives as if nothing was going on. I'm assuming it may be because they didn't understand or assumed that everything was ok. Now, I'm not saying this in bitterness but just stating how it was. :)

BUT I'm also reminded of those who, whenever they saw me, would consistently check in and ask, "How's Dennis doing?" and some would even ask "How are YOU doing?". I even appreciated it when people asked how things were going and I'd share and then they'd say, "To be honest, I can't relate with or understand what you're going through right now." I really appreciated their honesty and their willingness to listen and try to empathize nevertheless. These gestures may have seemed small but it was such gestures throughout the 7 months that acknowledged what we were going through. There was a community around me that cared to carry the burden with me, even if it was through asking a simple question.

So I guess my point is.... for those who've asked that question, I thank you. :)

I've moved over to the dark side (a.k.a.APPLE)

2010-09-08T18:40:00.004-07:00

This is my ACER laptop that has faithfully done its duty (for the most part) for the past 4.5 years.

I'd been thinking about switching over to a Mac for awhile now... and decided to jump on it since the Back-to-School promotion was going on (yay for educators getting a discount AND a free iPod touch!) and got this instead:

Now, don't get me wrong. I like the MacBook. It's nice and like... really purty. :) But as slow and inconvenient my old Acer laptop is, I've grown attached to it. There's something about minimal discomfort and not having things super-speedy that I appreciate, especially in a culture of entitlement and immediate gratification. And there was something about my students in China making fun of my laptop that I felt like I could connect with them and laugh about. That I wasn't a "spoiled American" and that I had a ghetto-er laptop than they did. The Acer brought good times. :)

Anyways.. I don't know what I'm trying to say. Maybe this is my way of secretly mourning the Acer and closuring this part of my life.

P.S. Hehe, even as I write this, I'm actually writing on my Acer. :D

"Choosing to See"

2010-08-23T13:42:00.001-07:00

by Mary Beth Chapman.

I had no idea that Mary Beth Champan, wife of Steven Curtis Chapman (renowned Christian musician), came out with a book. But I randomly came across it at Borders when I was in Cali last week.

It's a memoir of Mary Beth and her life-journey (mostly covering her married life with Steven Curtis Champan) thus far, leading up to the tragic death of her adopted daughter two years ago, where most of the focus of the book is on.

I resonated with this book because of Mary Beth's honest struggles amidst suffering, the journey of asking "why" yet trusting in God, grappling with hope, etc. She's a good storyteller and there were moments, especially in the first half of the book, where I laughed out loud. I really enjoyed the first 2/3 of the book. I did feel like the book could've been shorter, since the end of the book felt a bit dragged out and redundant. But other than that, I would recommend this book, particularly to those who may be going through tough times.

One of the biggest takeaways from this book is that the story that God has for us is not cookie-cutter picture-perfect as we may have imagined or wanted it to be... His story for our lives is greater (and more adventurous, might I add) than the story we may try to contrive. There may be suffering within it (as Jesus was one who was familiar with suffering) but there's always, always redemption and hope.

"We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be." - C. S. Lewis

East Coast or West Coast?

2010-08-18T11:02:00.001-07:00

Which coast is better?

I'm a New Yorker all the way (like born and raised). This is now my 4th trip this year (in addition to the several times I visited before) to Cali. Every time I come, it takes me at least several days to get adjusted to the California lifestyle. Like, I have to remind myself to not be so antsy or not to feel guilty about not being on the go-go-go. I guess there are arguable pro's and con's to both coasts. Here are some pro's of both places.

California

- better weather (like most/all the time)

- good beaches

- laid back

- beautiful people (is it just me or do people in socal all just look really good?)

- good mexican and korean food

- friendly people

New York

- more heterogeneous

- varieties of good food from different cultures (i.e. not abnormal to have peruvian, japanese, greek food within a 10 minute walk from each other)

- convenient & accessible (by public transportation or walking)

- all sorts of really talented (and/or ambitious) people

- fall and spring exist

- people keep it "real"

Any other thing you'd add to the list? Thoughts?

A big lesson learned in China...

2010-08-14T23:37:00.000-07:00

The natural and spiritual world are very much connected.

Things are a lot more "spiritual" than we (especially as New Yorkers or maybe as Americans) rationalize them out to be, I think.

This IS a battleground after all.

Thankful that I get to be on the winning side, yea-yuh. :)

Back, back again!

2010-08-05T05:56:00.000-07:00

Wow, I am awed by how QUICKLY the 5+ weeks in China went!

I seriously feel like Yanji is my 2nd home so there wasn't much cultural assimilation when I went there and now that I'm back in NY. It was awesome seeing the students and professors and friends there again. (I seriously feel like it's my 2nd home!)

I wish I could share cool stories with y'all but I probably shouldn't share them online. :) It was such good times though.. refreshing too!

Things I'm thankful for comin' back:

1. HOT showers (had frigid cold showers for 5 weeks, yea-yuhh)

2. Being able to throw used toilet paper INTO the toilet (instead of the wastebasket)

3. American breakfast

4. Being able to say "God", "pray", "church", and other religious lingo freely and publicly

5. Friends, family, & boyfriend

Things I may miss about China:

1. FOOD!

2. The simple lifestyle

3. THE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhh

Leaving for asia in....

2010-06-14T09:53:00.000-07:00

10 days! Will be gone for close to 6 weeks!

Time flies.

When the world is falling out from under me...

2010-05-24T14:59:00.000-07:00

I'll be found in You
Still standing.

Having a boyfriend fighting off cancer hasn't been easy. It's been an emotional (and I'm not even that much of an emotional personal) rollercoaster of ups and downs, of battles conquered only to find that there are more battles to fight, of mountains climbed only to find yet another mountain ahead.

Hm, so this is the most recent mountain. The oncologist recommended radiation treatment (basically, localized radiation zapping of cancer cells on the area where the tumor was found) of 6-8 weeks. Stanford, where he's been getting medical treatment from, costs $120K for radiation treatment WITH the 40% off for those who are uninsured. There's no way they can afford that. So much moolah had already been spent for the first 2 surgeries. So Dennis went to the county hospital in Monterey County but was rejected for financial assistance because he wasn't over 65, under 18, pregnant, etc. So now, he's in Orange County, hoping that he'll get financial assistance.

There are so many unknowns. And it's so easy to fall into hopelessness or even depression when faced with seemingly hopeless situations, one after the other. It's easy to doubt God's goodness or love, of why I'm even here in this situation at this point in Dennis' life (the cancer having been discovered a month into our relationship).

This song's chorus popped into my head on a morning last week (by Brooke Fraser) and it's been on repeat ever since. I can still stand and hope because there's a Rock that I'm hanging onto (albeit, barely) that protects me from the waves of these cirumstances which come and go. The Rock is firm, steady, and forever and that is where I'm hiding. God is still good. He is still God. And He does everything, in His sovereignty, because He loves us. And because of that, there is still hope both in this life and in the one to come. Amen.

"OwwWwwW my BALLS!"

2010-05-03T16:41:00.000-07:00

I love my kids. Classic funny story that happened the other day.

Three of my 6th grade students and I were in the park to have our session since it was a beautiful day. We had a couple of minutes left at the end of the session so I let them play in the playground. They all got excited and went on top of this metal bear statue in the playground. (So cute.)

(Picture of the bear with some random dude)

Then one of the guys swings his other leg over to get off the bear and then falls to the ground in pain and says:

"Owwww.... my balls...!!!!!! [silence since in pain then looks up at the bear] Owww, I think I hit my balls on the bear's ears..!!"

Then he goes over to the slide, lies down in pain, and complains some more about the bear's ears hitting his balls.

I ask, "How much does it hurt from 1-10, 10 being the most painful?"

He immediately says, "9.5......." (poor kid.)

Then we start walking back to the school while he's still kinda in pain.

Student: "Oh my gosh. I think I'm bleeding. I feel something wet in between my legs while I'm walking."

Me: "Oh no.... you should go to the bathroom to check it out."

Student: "Wait, wait... hold on... actually, I think it's sweat."

A surprise-visit

2010-05-03T16:27:00.001-07:00

I got to make a surprise visit to California. It was kinda last-minute/spontaneous. We found out the DAY before about the intense surgery since it was scheduled last-minute. My awesome coworkers (yea, Juliana and Theresa!) urged me to take several days off to visit him and Joe (my boss) gave me the total go. So I booked tickets and arrived in California, with the help of Dennis' uncle and mom who are awesome at keeping secrets, the day after he was discharged from the hospital.

When I walked into his room, he was like speechless for a bit and then asked "Is this a dream?" (like literally a dream..)

Anyways, it was good to see him. I saw progress from the first day I was there (when he was constipated/bloated and could barely walk with the walker several feet) to the day that I left (when he had regular bowel movements and could walk to the living room with the walker). Yay for recovery! :)

[And just to throw this out there - Dennis' surgery cost $82k. (Doesn't have health insurance..) If, by any chance, you feel moved to donate/contribute to the cost, please let me know and I'll forward you info HOW you can donate. Thanks!]

East Asia, here we come!

2010-05-03T16:23:00.000-07:00

I'll be going to the same university that I went to last summer in East Asia again this summer! We'll be gone for 5-6 weeks.

If you'd like to support in any way (whether in prayer or financially) or if you'd just like to get the updates, please holler at me. :)

Exciting!

The surgery was successful!!!

2010-04-18T19:12:00.000-07:00

Praise the good Lord, hallelujah. =)

There were no known complications. The surgery itself was 7+ hours and there was a lot of bleeding (but I think that's expected). Dennis is currently out of the ICU in another part of the hospital now and will be discharged on Tuesday. He's epidural-ed up so he hasn't been feeling any pain yet.

Been blessed and thankful for all the support thus far. Thanks all, for your prayers and your support!

Surgery-Time!

2010-04-16T06:23:00.001-07:00

Just found out last night that Dennis' surgery is scheduled for today.

It's a 5-6 hour procedure that's rather complicated -- removing several muscles, a part of a bone, replacing the bone and plating with metal. If the tumor is found to be near a major (sciatic) nerve, they might have to cut it out or freeze it or something. If the nerve is affected, sensation below the knee would either be permanently or temporarily lost (which would affect his walking/gait).

Please pray that the surgery would go well and that the sciatic nerve would remain intact. :)

There will be TWO incisions made and from what Dennis' doc said, it's a pretty painful procedure (removing muscles and a bone... understandably) so they might epidural it.

The surgery will be today from 11am-5pm, NY Time (or 8am-2pm Cali time) so if y'all could please keep Dennis and the procedure in your prayers, it would be SO appreciated. Thanks so much!

Below is an email that Dennis sent out last night:

---------- Forwarded message ----------

Date: Fri, Apr 16, 2010 at 1:35 AM
Subject: life update #14 (it's go time)

hey all

headed to surgery tomorrow. got word this week that there was a chance that i could have surgery as early as friday.

well, it was confirmed this morning that friday was good and my family decided today to pay for the upcoming surgery (now $82k... OUCHIE!!!!!!).

cried a bit this morning but was comforted by the fact that God will never forsake me and i thank Jesus for that. i can't even imagine not having God around because it would honestly be so lonely and the despair would be unbearable i think.

surgery date: friday, 4/16/2010
time: 8am - 1~2pm
hospital stay duration: 4 nights (4/16-4/19)
surgeon: doctor david mohler (<-- did a great job the first tumor surgery) physicians assistant: linda jordon (<-- really cool lady, kinda has a 'motherly/caring' nature to her which is comforting to me, thanks God!) location: stanford hospital

if you wanna visit and put up with my crankiness:
you can visit: http://stanfordhospital.org/forPatients/visiting.html
300 Pasteur Drive
Stanford, CA 94305
dunno what section i'll be in but i guess you can call the number and find out?

if you can't get any info from the number, i guess you can call my uncle : 831-320-6779
or my mom: 949-412-0366

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
please pray that God would guide every step of the surgical process.

pray that there wouldn't be complications (ie. if sciatic nerve gets messed up, then i could lose sensation for some period of time or forever basically for everything below the knee).

pray that docmo doesn't forget to leave sponges inside of me... ;)
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

i'm not too scared (i think)... just not looking forward to the pain from having 2 big cuts to take out muscle and then bone transplant and metal installed in me. AYYYYYY!

ok, need some rest now.

with love
dennis

If you're interested...

2010-04-15T09:54:00.000-07:00

in reading through Dennis' email updates from the very beginning, he posted 'em up on his blog. :)

Dennis shares his story at Newsong Church

2010-04-10T16:21:00.000-07:00

Dennis was asked to share his story/journey with cancer at Newsong Church, the church that he attends when he's back home in SoCal. (He's currently in NorCal.) *Video is below*

They had 4 Easter services (all of which we attended... I now give mad props to pastors/staff who go through multiple services every week). Below is a recording of the 3rd service. It was encouraging hearing some of the things people said to Dennis after the services and how people were moved by his story. I attribute it all to God. One can only have such joyful hope in the face of cancer (i.e. death) because one has hope in some One greater than death. Yay for Easter and the resurrection. =)

Dennis Yi Interview & Smash Dance - Easter 2010 [Newsong Irvine | 04.04.2010] from Newsong Church on Vimeo.

Why.... hello, spring break =)

2010-03-27T08:26:00.000-07:00

My 11-day spring break has started with yet another cold. But it's ALL GOOD 'cuz I get to sleep in today! *GRIN* (Typing this on my bed knowing that I'm gonna pass out soon)

For spring break, I'll be visiting Dennis in Cali for a week, holler! Will be flying into San Jose where he's staying right now (with uncle/aunt). We'll be going to a couple of doctor's appointments and also flying down to Orange County for the weekend where he'll be sharing his story/journey (with cancer) at 4 of Newsong Church's Easter services.

Anyways, time to eat some chicken soup, NyQuil it up, and sleep some mo'!!! YAY SPRING BREAK!

A shameless plug (on t-shirts)

2010-03-13T20:34:00.000-08:00

Dennis' brother founded a t-shirt company some time ago called Definicion.

Now, the SUPER cool thing bout this t-shirt company is that each t-shirt is themed around a distinctive population/cause (i.e. thailand's sex-trafficking). and at least 10% of the proceeds for that t-shirt go to an organization that is dedicated to working for that population (i.e. one t-shirt's proceeds goes to "night light" which is an organization in thailand to rehabilitate women who survived sex-trafficking).

AND it seems that most (if not all) the t-shirts were created in the States (thanks to American Apparel) so we know they weren't produced by by slave labor.

Not only that, they're uber cheap right now-- like $5 or $7 (American Apparel)!

Check it out. And buy 'em quick b/c lots of of it are apparently sold out.

Round 2 of cancer?!

2010-03-13T16:29:00.000-08:00

Dennis' physical therapist found another lump on his other leg a couple of weeks ago. MRI preliminary results reveal that it's soft-tissue sarcoma... again.

Will hear in a week about more detailed results and doctor's recommendations for future steps.

Crazy, huh? :( Looks like it's time for round 2 just when we were celebrating that round 1 was over. Talk about going through the fire..

Anyways, would appreciate your prayers. If you'd like email updates with more specific p. requests regarding this, lemme know. :)

*****
Also wanna share this song by Merchant Band (Tim Reimherr). The lyrics are so awesome. Dennis recorded this song. Enjoy and know today that you move God's heart with joy and delight:

I’m more than what these ashes say
They will fade away when He comes for me
By grace, through faith in Christ I’m saved
I am not the same when He looks at me

Chorus:

I am the rose, the joy for which You died
And this I know, I move You with delight
And when my heart condemns on every side
I take refuge in the truth: I am the rose to You

Verse 2:

My life is more than meets the eye
I’m hidden now in Christ and I’m one with Him
My love is real before His eyes
He’s ravished by the sight of one glance from me

Bridge:

I am the rose, I am the lily
I am Yours, I’m Your beauty

Tag:

There’s gonna be a wedding,
It’s the reason that I’m living, to marry the Lamb

Interlude:

I’m more than what these ashes say
‘Cause they will fade away when He comes for me
My love is real before His eyes
He’s ravished by the sight of one glance from me

Living without electricity

2010-03-07T20:13:00.000-08:00

Jackpot, my awesome church small group, went on a ski trip (thanks for Mike Suh who came up with the brilliant idea and organized it) in the middle of a huge snowstorm. That was great for skiing (apparently) but we also discovered upon arriving at our rental house that the whole area's power was down. That meant no lights, no heat, no stove, no running water, no flushing toilet... in the cold and the dark. Was kinda adventurous in a colonial times/missions sort-of-a-way.

The very first thing we did upon arriving at the dark and cold house was to find candles and to light a whole bunch in all the rooms. I learned that it's kinda crazy how much one little candle can make a difference in a room. It doesn't make much of a difference when one candle is added to a room where there's already a candle but the difference is HUGE when in the pitch dark, a small candle is lit.

Reminded me of these verses:
"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

So true that the luminosity of light is more apparent amidst darkness rather than amidst other lights.

Here's video clip of our night of adventure in the candle-lit dark. :)

IHOP is coming to NYC!

2010-03-07T19:58:00.000-08:00

IHOP (International House of Prayer)'s One Thing conference is coming to Queens, NY on April 16-17th!! :)

Register (for free). I highly recommend it. It was at their conference that I first had my first personal encounter with God's love that changed my perspective and relationship in a life-changing sort-of-a-way. And not only my own but of my friends' and family members' lives as well that's been to IHOP.

Register here.
Spread the word.
Hope to see you there. :)

Dennis made a blog.

2010-03-07T19:51:00.001-08:00

YAY! :D

I'm encouraged lots by his thoughts and perspective on things so I thought it'd be cool if he could have a blog in which to share his thoughts with the e-world. He used to have a Xanga before but hasn't updated in over a year or something. So.... perfect transition into the blog-world *GRIN.

Check it out.
Give him a nice welcome into the blog world please! :)

Californiaaaaa

2010-02-26T10:38:00.000-08:00

Last week, thanks to midwinter recess, I got to visit Dennis who is recovering from his surgery (whole muscle in leg got removed) in California. Some pics:

So Dennis is staying with his aunt and uncle who live in the boonies/countryside. This is their backyard + hills behind it. It was like a retreat center.

Valentine's Day dinner at a seafood restaurant in Carmel :)

Dennis' aunt and uncle took us to Monterey Bay. Water's so clear!

Dennis' uncle got me a cake for my birthday! With Dennis and his cousin Nancy. :)

I'm 27.

2010-02-26T10:33:00.000-08:00

Wow.

27 was when my mom got married.

27 is soo...... adult.

Like... young adult.

Like... yeah.

But I'm genuinely excited to grow older because this is sooo true that though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.

Werd. :)

Jesus won all the way :)

2010-02-26T10:12:00.000-08:00

The night that I found that Dennis' surgery was successful, I had a dream. Now, I'm not one to analyze all my dreams but this one was really random so I thought it was something to think about.

**Dream**
I was in a battlefield with some of my friends. We were just hanging out in regular-people clothes but we heard news that the enemy was coming: they were strong, WAY larger in number, and they even had horses!! There was no way that we could beat them but we came up with a strategy (think "Braveheart")... and we executed it. Next thing you know, the enemy soldiers and horses were supposedly slain on the floor. It just happened so quickly/easily that it was hard to believe. In the last scene, I was standing with Julia Yang and I told her it was hard to believe that the battle was won so quickly/easily so I went over to stab the horses just in case. And then I woke up.

**My thoughts**
The enemy came and attacked Dennis with cancer (Satan comes to steal, kill, + destroy). We (my friends, Dennis' friends) didn't really know what else to do but to get together and pray/worship. There were spontaneous prayer meetings not only here in NYC, but in Cali and parts of Asia as well. I believe that was the strategy that was given to us to so quickly defeat the enemy. Now, within less than a month of finding out that Dennis had a type of cancer which has an average survival rate of 50%, he is now (from what it seems) cancer-free!!! It happened SO quickly and easily. I really believe that Jesus won the battle for us. :) Victory is ours in Him all the way!

Anyways.. thanks to all who prayed. Glad to journey with y'all!!!
Here's my friend's Minnow's entry on the night that some of us got together.

Colbert + Keys rock it out

2010-02-22T14:29:00.000-08:00

Stephen Colbert is SO funny. Alicia Keys sings "Empire State of Mind" (Newwww Yoooooorkkkkk~) with her beauuutiful voice. And then Stephen Colbert rocks out with a suburban version of the song. HA HA.

My fave part: 2:30 (esp 2:36)

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Alicia Keys - Empire State of Mind (Part II) Broken Down

www.colbertnation.com

Colbert Report Full Episodes

Political Humor

Skate Expectations

New 10/40 Window Documentary!

2010-02-22T14:26:00.000-08:00

I'm excited to watch the documentary about the things going on in Asia right now... caught a small glimpse of it last summer and it was crazy how quickly God was moving there in this specific time in history!!

1040 is an explosive documentary that focuses on the rapid changes in Asia and the significant shift of spiritual landscape in the area known as the “10/40 Window”- the regions between 10 degrees and 40 degrees North Latitude on the eastern hemisphere. In the film, artist and minister Jaeson Ma takes us on an exciting journey through the Asian countries in the window, showing us the dramatic changes happening on the ground. We visit China, South Korea, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Singapore, and Indonesia. Through incisive observations, intimate interviews with prominent leaders and celebrities, and powerful, never-before-heard stories, 1040 dynamically explores a part of our globe that is experiencing vast socioeconomic expansion and profound shift in identity- it is an area that is now nothing less than the frontier of world Christianity.

A video that works this time

2010-02-17T19:50:00.000-08:00

... Sorry that the last video didn't work. :( But here's a better one!

It's a video that Dennis and I made (I'm currently in California visiting for the week) to share with y'all to give an update. By the way, Dennis' surgery went well! A whole muscle, where the tumor was, was successfully removed. We're waiting to hear what the next steps will be in terms of any possible further treatments, etc. It's looking positive though! :)

To everyone who prayed (even if just one prayer that you may have lifted up), thanks so much. Through your prayers, I believe that Jesus moved in such a way to win alll the way with this one so all glory to Him!

Post-Valentine's thoughts on l-o-v-e

2010-02-15T11:54:00.000-08:00

'What does love like?' is the question that I've been pondering

What does love look like?

'What does love like?' is the question that I've been pondering

'What does love look like?' is the question I've been asking

I once believed that love was romance, just a chance

I even thought that love was for the lucky and the beautiful

I once believed that love was momentary bliss but love was more than this

All You wanted was my attention

All You wanted was love from me

All You wanted was my affections

To sit here at your feet

Then I sat down a little frustrated and confused

If all of life comes down to love then love has to be more than sentiment

More than selfishness and selfish gain

......

...... Then I saw Him there hanging on a tree looking at me

I saw Him there hanging on a tree looking at me

He was looking at me looking at him staring through me

I could not escape those beautiful eyes

And I began to weep and weep...

He had arms wide open, a heart exposed

He had arms wide open

He was bleeding, He was bleeding

Love's definition, love's definition was looking at me

This is how I know what love is......

And as I sat there, weeping, crying...

Those beautiful eyes full of desire and love

And He said to me, 'you shall love me, you shall love me, you shall love me...'

- Misty Edwards -

Hope y'all had an awesome Valentine's Day! :)

SNOW DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-02-10T13:18:00.000-08:00

Schools are closed, yayyy!!!!!

'Nuff said. :D

Surgery Time!

2010-02-04T10:26:00.000-08:00

Dennis is undergoing surgery right now, as I type this. It’s apparently a 1.5 hour surgical procedure to remove it. Once they remove the tumor, they will do a biopsy of it to see what kind of cancer cells it is (aggressive or not) and I guess the doctors will determine from then the need for possible future treatment (i.e. chemo, etc). Praying that chemo/radiation therapy will NOT be necessary!

I’m thankful because so many people have been supportive and praying for Dennis – even those of you that have never met him before! Thanks, guys. I see the community (and Church) in action. Cool to be a part of it. :) Will make another update entry soon post-op!

**A thought: So thankful for hope.

To be honest, when we first found out about the cancer and didn’t know too much about it, I thought “Wow who knows, I might be a widowed girlfriend at the age of 27…” But over the past week, I realized that no matter what happens in this life, as a child of God, I always have hope. Both in this life AND in the next! ‘Cuz no matter what, not only is He sovereign (in control, etc) but He’s lookin’ out for us and rooting for our good because He loves us. [“For we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him who have been called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28] Trustin’. :)

My boyfriend has cancer =(

2010-02-01T13:55:00.000-08:00

Hello, blog world.
This is my awesome boyfriend Dennis.

We've been in a relationship for a month now and it has been quite the awesome ride. :) (Long distance and all!)

A couple of weeks ago, he went to the doctor to get a check-up of a lump that's been growing on his leg for the past year or so. They immediately scheduled an MRI for him and got the results back within a day or two. The result? Soft-tissue sarcoma which is basically a malignant tumor of the soft tissue.

It's been a crazy past week for Dennis undergoing various tests, checking out financial options (since he has no insurance right now), etc.

On my end, to be honest, it's been an emotional rollercoaster (and I'm not very emotional in general)-- a lot of "why's" at God, particularly since my own father passed of cancer when I was 12 and I wondered why this was happening again (cancer to a male figure in my life), ironically at our 1-month relationship mark.

I don't know why and I don't profess to know why... but I am willing to undergo this journey because in the deepest of my hearts, I know that God is good and trustworthy. Dennis and I want to be as transparent as possible through this whole process so I've decided to post this on my blog.. I'll keep you guys updated. :)

*If you'd like email updates (with more specific detailed updates), please let me know via comment!

It is Well with My Soul

2010-01-27T17:18:00.000-08:00

This song was in my head the other day so I googled it to listen to it and came across the story behind the song. It came from a place of worship amidst tragedy:

Thanks to Wikipedia:

This hymn was written after several traumatic events in Spafford’s life. The first was the death of his only son in 1871, shortly followed by the great Chicago Fire which ruined him financially (he had been a successful lawyer). Then in 1873, he had planned to travel to Europe with his family on the S.S. Ville du Havre, but sent the family ahead while he was delayed on business concerning zoning problems following the Great Chicago Fire. While crossing the Atlantic, the ship sank rapidly after a collision with a sailing ship, the Loch Earn, and all four of Spafford's daughters died. His wife Anna survived and sent him the now famous telegram, "Saved alone." Shortly afterwards, as Spafford traveled to meet his grieving wife, he was inspired to write these words as his ship passed near where his daughters had died.

Bliss called his tune Ville du Havre, from the name of the stricken vessel.^[1]

The Spaffords later had three more children, one of whom (a son) died in infancy. In 1881 the Spaffords, including baby Bertha and newborn Grace, set sail for Palestine. The Spaffords moved to Jerusalem and helped found a group called the American Colony; its mission was to serve the poor. The colony later became the subject of the Nobel prize winning Jerusalem, by Swedish novelist Selma Lagerlöf.

46 hours on da road...

2010-01-27T14:52:00.001-08:00

wasn't too bad. :)
... or maybe it's 'cuz I slept through most of it like it was my day AND night job. HA HA.

was grateful to spend my winter break (all 46 hours on the road and 4 days in kansas city) with some very awesome people in my life (boyfriend, friends, God).

props to minnow for documenting it into this really emo video-- totally makes the road trip look AWESOME ('cuz it was!). thanks minnow!

One Thing '09 Roadtrip from Minnow Park on Vimeo.

Oh-wuh

2010-01-19T20:40:00.001-08:00

Thanks, Minnow for your shout-out on Tumblr.

I’ve known Julia for 8 years and I’ve never seen her smile as big as she has in this picture. She’s kept saying it feels natural, but there’s really nothing natural about this kind of stuff when it comes to Julia. She likes a boy and people, that’s huge.

All I can say is, FINALLY. Congrats to Delia (Dennis + Julia)

A cool engagement photo-video

2010-01-12T09:32:00.001-08:00

My good friend Minnow is the wedding/engagement photographer for my good friends Nina and Tsuei (whose wedding I have the privilege of standing in!).

Awesome photography skills combined with an awesome (and good-lookin', mind you) couple creates this:

Nina & Tsuei from Minnow Park on Vimeo.

Adoption

2010-01-09T11:47:00.000-08:00

For as along as I could remember, I've wanted to adopt. The older I get, the more formulated my ideas of adoption (the reasons for it, etc) become... I won't share those thoughts/ideas now but I DID want to share this story with y'all.

Derek Loux and his wife Renee have like 10 children or something and I think 8 of 'em are adopted -- some of them have special needs. They were moved to adopt after their biological son Josiah passed of spinal bifida at 2.5 years old. Derek was a champion of social justice and adoption, fusing it with worship and music.

Tragically, Derek Loux died in a freak car accident last month leaving a wife and a bunch of children fatherless. I wonder why God allowed this to happen. But on the same token, I'm curious to see how this seeming tragic story will be turned into a story of hope and restoration because I believe it will be a beautiful story in the end... because that's what God's good at. :)

Read their blog.

Your love never fails

2009-12-24T15:33:00.000-08:00

Dang. Can y'all believe that it's Christmas season already?? 2009 will soon be over and we'll be entering into yet another new year.

Time f-l-i-e-s.

Can be kinda scary when sitting down and thinking about the fact that we have absolutely no control over this thing called time or life.

So thankful for unfailing love that'll remain no matter what.

Remember school pictures?

2009-12-08T13:26:00.001-08:00

They took one of me for the school yearbook.

Um... I look like I'm a part of the Brady Brunch. I think it's the hair.... ha. ha.

Happy birthday Scilla!!

2009-12-08T11:58:00.000-08:00

It was my roomie Priscilla's bday yesterday. We had our first house party (didn't even have a housewarming yet, haha) for her bday this past weekend. Good times! Good company, good food/drinks, good music, good dancing... what more can ya ask fo'?

Half the night, we sang in my room. Sang along to some Jason Mraz which ended up going into a time of sweet worship.

Asia meets Cali meets NY!!

2009-12-08T11:49:00.000-08:00

This past summer, we got to meet some pretty cool people in Asia. 2 of those extremely cool people (with sibs) are on their way to NYC to visit us from Cali (as we speak)! It's gonna be great week, wahoo!!! :)

Introducing....

2009-12-05T12:39:00.000-08:00

JACKPOT!!!

I think this might be our first formal group pic together!! Monumental, ha.
And some pics, taken by Minnow, of our Thanksgiving meal together. :)

I can't believe it's December already. Thanksgiving has passed.. Christmas is coming. We put up Christmas lights and currently playing Christmas songs.

For Nance...

2009-12-03T17:10:00.000-08:00

Who tagged me, good ol' xanga-style.
Here's Nance's entry on 6 weird things about her.

And here are 6 weird things about me:
1. My fingers are double jointed so that from some angles, my ring fingers can look kinda broken.

2. Oh, my elbows too.

3. I think I overkill phrases-- i.e. "hollernation".
I haven't been saying hollernation-ing as much anymore which means that y'all will be hearing some new phrase from me now. I've been "pounding" it a lot and saying "rock on" but not sure if it's a 2 week fad or like a 6 month fad yet.

4. I have like 293480 different types of laugh, I think.

5. I dance like I'm high (but I'm like completely sober and not on any substances, seriously) or "swimming in LSD", as Cheryl and Nina say.

6. I'm just really weird. I think that's a weird thing that I'm really weird. Right? That was really weird. Okay. Bye.

"The Blind Side"

2009-11-29T17:10:00.000-08:00

It's a movie based on a true story starring Sandra Bullock and other characters. It's about a woman who takes in an African-American homeless teenager into her home/family.

Can I just say that the movie was AWESOME?!?!? Julia Y and Fred recommended it to me on separate occasions saying that they thought I would like it and I totally DID!!! I hardly ever cry but I teared on several occasions in this movie. The characters were simply awesome and so was the story. It was even better because it's TRUE.

I would rate this movie 4 out of 5. Hands down.

I highly recommend this movie. I rarely tell people that they HAVE to watch this or that movie but I'm telling you now-- go watch it. S e r i o u s l y.

I'm thankful for...

2009-11-25T19:46:00.000-08:00

1. the awesome summer experience I had in China. (asdfjlkerjgaasdfasdf!!!)

2. harlem (I really love it-- gunshots and all!)

3. my awesome roommate Priscilla (who would've known we would get along so well? thanks again, nina!)

4. KIPP (my job), where I am challenged to reach my potential every day and where i learn soo much

5. JACKPOT! (my small group) -- such a blessing and so refreshing to end my week with 'em and to share life w/ 'em!

6. my freakin' amazing friends (y'all know who you are :D). i feel so well-cushioned and supported/cared for. :)

7. my fam!

8. God. without Him, my life would have no meaning. all the more, i love the journey He's placed me on and as i entrust myself into His hands, He has proven to be so trustworthy. i absolutely love the ride that He's put me on, in the highs and the lows! :)

Sponsor an orphan

2009-11-23T21:21:00.000-08:00

I recently got an email from Julia Y. about this. There's an orphanage in southeast Asia that takes in orphans with AIDS. Currently, there are 56 abandoned orphans ranging from new born to 3 years of age at this orphanage. But unfortunately, most of them are currently not sponsored.

Pray about sponsoring any one of them. Yeah? :)
---

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27

1. Vinh Tam

2. Hoa Tam

3. Cam Tam

4. Luong Vinh

Sponsor Me!

5. Rak Vinh

Sponsor Me!

6. Phu Tam

Sponsor Me!

7. Phu Vinh

Sponsor Me!

8. Dien Vinh

Sponsor Me!

9. Dien Tam

Sponsor Me!

10. Song Vinh

Sponsor Me!

11. Toan Tam

12. Ninh Vinh

Sponsor Me!

13. Lam Vinh

Sponsor Me!

14. Xuan Vinh

Sponsor Me!

15. Dak Vinh

Sponsor Me!

16. Khanh Vinh

Sponsor Me!

17. Phuc Vinh

Sponsor Me!

18. Phuoc Vinh

19. Truong Vinh

Sponsor Me!

20. Thao Tam

Sponsor Me!

21. Gia Tam

Sponsor Me!

22. Ninh Tam

23. Thai Vinh

Sponsor Me!

24. Nguyen Vinh

Sponsor Me!

25. Tho Tam

Sponsor Me!

26. Tuy Vinh

Sponsor Me!

27. Quang Vinh

Sponsor Me!

28. Phuoc Tam

Sponsor Me!

29. Dang Vinh

30. Thuy Tam

31. Dong Tam

Sponsor Me!

32. Yen Tam

Sponsor Me!

33. An Vinh

Sponsor Me!

34. Son Vinh

Sponsor Me!

35. An Tam

Sponsor Me!

36. Minh Vinh

Sponsor Me!

37. Quyen Tam

Sponsor Me!

38. Thuy Anh

39. Tho Vinh

Sponsor Me!

40. Dinh Vinh

Sponsor Me!

41. Thuy Tam

Sponsor Me!

42. Truong Tam

Sponsor Me!

43. Giang Vinh

Sponsor Me!

44. Loc Tam

Sponsor Me!

45. Phuong Tam

Sponsor Me!

46. Khanh Tam

Sponsor Me!

47. Thang Vinh

Sponsor Me!

48. Cat Tam

Sponsor Me!

49. Hai Vinh

Sponsor Me!

50. New Born

Sponsor Me!

51. New Born

Sponsor Me!

52. New Born

53. New Born

Sponsor Me!

54. New Born

Sponsor Me!

55. New Born

Sponsor Me!

56. New Born

Sponsor Me!

Read these stories

2009-11-23T08:34:00.000-08:00

Was blessed just reading through these entries just now.

(Ok, I've been blog-happy, with my 3rd entry in 2 days, because I got no work!! Holler.)

Some awesome KIPP photos

2009-11-22T17:00:00.000-08:00

Minnow came to KIPP Infinity's Latino Cultural Show and graciously took photos of the event. He capture the students and the night SO well!! Here are some of my fave ones. And check out the rest of the photos here. He is a part of the "KIPP family" now, haha.

"Precious"

2009-11-18T19:50:00.001-08:00

Got to watch the movie "Precious" with my soul sista Karen P. tonight. (Happy birthday tomorrow!) It'd been like half a year since I last watched a movie in the theater. Crazy, huh?

We both agreed that we would give the movie a 3.75ish/5.

The movie was about a teenage girl who was impregnanted by her father twice and has an abusive mother. I have to say that some of the stuff in the movie was pretty realistic, its setting being in Harlem and all. Some of the characters reminded me of some students that I know. And as sad as the story is, I feel like I've heard stories like this before from my students. Broken reality.. :( As portrayed in this movie, in the end, we humans just need love.

Reaching your greatest potential

2009-11-17T19:25:00.001-08:00

So I think that we all have amazing potential that we were created with in the ways that we are wired by God, whether in our talents, giftings, natural interests, personality type, etc.

One thing that I've been thinking about is how awesome it would be for people to reach their greatest potential. (Was thinking about this specifically in the context of my small group Jackpot but generally as well.) I mean, I think that the end goal of all potential should lead to loving God and loving people. But I think that the way that may look like for each person may be different because we're created differently. For example for myself, I think it MAY look something like just loving people, connecting people together, instilling vision in people and running with it, and some other stuff that I'm figuring out as I'm living life and stuff. I dunno. asdfasdfkjaler.

Anyways. So what does that look like for y'all? :) (No need to be modest, just honest! =p)